Happy Birthday

Dear Mom:

Today is your birthday.  You would have been 60 years young.  I remember the last birthday we got to celebrate with you.  We went to Johnny Carinos for dinner and presents.  You looked beautiful as always.  Dad has a picture of you from our dinner and you looked so happy.  I hope that you are enjoying your birthday with the loved ones you are now with.  I hope that you spent the day playing with your grandbabies.  I also hope that you were able to see how we celebrated without you.  We went out to eat for supper and Dad put beautiful yellow roses on your grave for his Yellow Rose of Texas.  Rae got you some beautiful sunflowers and tulips.  I was going to get you some balloons but I couldn't get to the store but it is probably good because the wind is still blowing so hard around here that they wouldn't have lasted long.  We want you to know that our love for you hasn't diminished at all and neither has our missing you.  I love you Mom and hope that your birthday in heaven was good.

Love,
me

Happy Easter!

Last Night

Last night we had just turned off the tv, hubby had already dozed off and I was close when the phone rang.  I looked at the clock which read 11:30 (or so).  I picked up the phone and it was my Dad who proceeded to tell me that the house across the pasture and through the woods from us was on fire.  And then someone was knocking on our door to let us know about the fire (I still don't know who the lady was!)  Although it was almost midnight, the wind was still blowing pretty strongly and again, no measurable rainfall since September.  Since you just don't know what a fire will do, Dad suggested that we be prepared.  We started deciding what vehicles we were going to be taking if we had to leave and what we were taking with us.  In no time flat we had our suburban loaded with computer equipment, photo albums, all my jewelry that would be next to impossible to replace (along with what I received of my Mom's).  On a trip to the truck I went out the back door and could see the orange glow of the fire over the treetops.  Very scarey.    Got back in the house and continued packing our medicine, important papers,  etc.  I went and took all of the pictures off the wall and got them put together.  My Dad called back and said that it looked like the fire department (remember, we live in the county so it was the volunteer fire department and local) had everything under control and that we should be ok.  We went down to my Dad's (which was very close to the fire) to see what there was to see but due to the trees, we couldn't see much.  Thankfully the fire was put out completely and our home and land was not in danger.  Unfortunately the house that burned was a victim of arson but luckily it had been abandoned for 8 years and better yet was the fact that no one got hurt.  We found that we could get a lot of stuff ready to go in a short time, that if there is a fire we will take our truck and suburban and leave my poor little car (wouldn't hurt my feelings too bad) but most importantly we realized that with all our packing we forgot about getting any clothes and I forgot my glasses and stuff for my contacts!!
We got back home a little before 1:00 am and I wasn't able to go to sleep until after 2:00 am.  Dad said it took him a while to wind down also.  Hopefully tonight we will not have any excitement.
Again, I ask that if you think about, pray for us to get some rain.  Our state is in a terrible place right now.  There is a huge fire near the DFW metroplex. 
I hope you are having a great week.  :)

MIA

I have been MIA for the last few days for no other reason than I haven't had anything to write about.  I have been sick with a sinus infection and probably bronchitus.  I say probably because my Doctor's office has changed their checking out procedures.  I pay before I go see the doc so now I don't get the receipt telling me what the diagnosis is and we talked about a lot of things when I was there and forgot to ask what I had.  I thought that the sinus infection was going to killl me.  The pain it was causing in my head, ear and jaw was so painful that I wasn't able to sleep or think for that matter.  I am hoping to be fully recovered this week so I can get some things done.
I saw something on tv today that made me think of the expectations I have always had for myself.  It was an interview on Rachael Ray with Sarah Brokow where she talked about the expectations that she had for herself that were based on what her Mom had done.  I have always done the same thing and have always felt inferior because I couldn't do what my Mom could do and did.  I thought that I would get married young and be done having kids by the time I was 23.  Well, I wasn't even  married until I was 26 but I still thought that I would have my kids soon after getting married because that is what Mom did.  Mom didn't have problems getting pregnant so why would I think that I would have a problem.  Well, 14 years of marriage and my 40th birthday have passed and there are still no kids in our family or in our future.  My Mom could do anything she set her mind to and well, I don't have that ability.  I was always calling her for help on most things I did just to make sure I was doing it right.  And the last three years have done nothing to help with my feelings of inferiority.  I mean, I went to college to get my degree so I could do the job that I felt was my calling. . . three + years later and I still have no job.  I don't want to settle for a job, I want to do what I was trained to do.  I want to teach.  Then six days after graduation our little boy was stillborn.  Then another miscarriage.  And last but not least my Mom gets sick and passes away.  Life has not been easy and I feel like I have failed in so many ways.  Well, I am not really sure where I was going with this but I guess I said all that to say that sometimes I set really high expectations for myself and am really unhappy with myself because I feel like I don't meet them.  And what this has to do with Sarah Brokow is that she has written a book called Fortytude:  Making the Next Decades the Best Years of Your Life and I think I need to read it.  So there you have it.  Something that I have thought about writing about but wasn't sure about letting the world read about my most  private feelings.  And I know that it isn't very well written but well, that's life.
And now on to other things.  The weather here has been so hot.  Today I think the high was 95.  Where did Spring go?  Yes, Jennifer we usually have spring with very nice temperatures and rain but not this year.  I was looking at the grass as I was driving to town and it isn't green, there are hardly any wildflowers but there is lots of dirt.  Our state is in drought conditions and our county and those surrounding us are in extreme drought conditions.  According to our weatherman we have not had any measureable precipitation since September.  There are huge wildfires - over 1 million acres burned this year and I pray everyday that the not so smart people that live around us will not start any fires because of the lack of moisture.  Please pray for those whose lives have been lost, homes have been lost, the fire fighters and all others affected by the fires and drought.
And last but not least, I had the a/c people come look at my a/c because it was starting to have a water leak and wouldn't you know it. . . .tonight it isn't working right.  And the temps are not going to be very cool tonight so thank goodness for fans!
I hope you are all having a good week.  I have felt better today.  That is until I went looking for an Easter dress today and couldn't find anything!!!  Maybe tomorrow I will have better luck.  That is after the a/c guys get here.

Rain. . . . Where are you?

The temperature today was 92. . .in April with winds blowing constantly at at least 20 mph.  If things keep going like this, it is going to be a very miserable summer.  We are so far behind on rainfall.  Tomorrow I am going to have to water my yard because it is starting to look really bad.  There have been some big wildfires in our state including one that burned a friend of mine's place but their home was untouched.  Thank goodness.  Prayer would be appreciated for some much needed rain.

Just Random

A couple of weeks ago I told you that I had made a baby shower gift and flowers for the cemetary (at least I think I did. . . I am pretty sure I did. Anyway) and I finally downloaded the pictures. And the only reason I finally got them downloaded is because I took pictures of my couch so I can try to sell it. Anyway, here are the pictures.

Picture frame for baby Smith

Arrangement for my Granddad

Arrangement for Baby Giggles (I love orange)

Arrangement for Mom.  I thought the pinks were pretty.

Well, that's really all I have for today.  I have been teaching art at a private school for about 2.5 weeks so I haven't really been doing anything else.  Tomorrow and Friday I will be teaching art at a public school and then the next week will be some random sub jobs.
I have really been missing my Mom the last couple of days.  I had a good cry on the way home from teaching today and one yesterday coming home from my walk.  I called my Dad just so I could hear his voice and to tell him that I love him.  It just really stinks that she isn't around for me to talk to anymore.  Somedays I am not sure that I will make it through.  Somedays are just too hard.
Gotta go get ready for church.  I hope you all are having a great week.

National Champs

For the first time in school history. . . . . .the FIGHTING TEXAS AGGIES WOMENS BASKETBALL team are the national champs.  We are so proud!!  GIG'EM AGGIES!!!

Thank you all for giving us such a great season!  Ya'll are AWESOME!