Wednesday, September 8, 2010

What Is On My Mind

Today the Pioneer Woman wrote a post about being real on your website. I just want you to know that what you read about on my blog(s) is me 100 %. Do I talk about everything that pops into my noggin? No for several reasons the first being Mr. Giggles is not all that excited about me being on facebook or blogging. You see, he is very private so there are some things I just won't talk about (that is why you will never see a picture of him on here). Secondly, my family reads my blog and I don't want to say anything on here that may hurt them in any way (somedays I want to rant and rave but I don't). And lastly, I don't think that my life is that interesting that everyone wants to read about every single thing I do (one of many reasons I don't do twitter). I mean I am an almost middle aged, unemployed, childless, educated, Christian woman, in mourning over losing a child and my mother and who leads a pretty boring life. But, I want you to know that if you are reading this. . . . .it is real. . . .all too real!

This afternoon I went BACK to the doctor for the fourth time in less than a month (the first three times were for my leg/foot issue). I have felt absolutely awful today so instead of putting of going and then becoming more ill, I went. I was willing to bet that it was either bronchitis (I get this a lot) or a sinus infection and it turned out to be neither. It is just your plain old run of the mill allergies. So why do I feel like I got hit by a mack truck? I don't know. Hoping to start feeling a little better after taking some Walzer D (yes, he just prescribed Allegra D but it was way expensive even with insurance). It has put a damper on my productivity this week.

Rain - what a blessing the last two days of rain has been. Yesterday we got over two inches and would you believe that when I went out this morning there were no puddles in my drive way. That just goes to show you how insanely dry it has been around these parts. It appears that the rain is now gone and our temps will be heading back to the mid ninety's or so. Can't wait for fall.

Do you ever feel like you are just drifting along in life and can't seem to get your feet back on the ground and your life back in some semblance of order? I have felt like that for such a long time. When we lost our baby I had just finished up a very structured time in my life. When you are a full-time commuting (2 hours round trip) and part-time employee you have to be structured. After graduation and losing our baby, my world just fell apart. I wasn't working, I wasn't going to school, I wasn't getting ready to be a Mommy, I just was. My Mom was by my side the entire time and helped me more than I realized. Was I 100% back to being me? No but I was so much closer. While my Mom was sick I had a pretty structured schedule again, I was at the hospital with her every other week and when I was home I had to get a lot of things done plus try to work to bring in some extra money. Then Mom was gone and now I just can't seem to get myself back together. I have no motivation, my house is a wreck and I don't care, I just don't invite anyone over. I have a hard time being motivated to do any subwork although we need the money badly. I only leave my house if I have to or if Mr. Giggles is with me. I tell you this so that I can ask for your prayers. I miss my Mom so very much. It has been six months and the pain is not any less. I am still angry that God took her (I don't think that I am mad at God just the fact that she was taken away from us). I know that she is no longer in pain and that she is in a much better place but the selfish part of me says WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT MY DAD? WHAT ABOUT MY SISTERS, MY NEPHEW, MY NIECE, MY HUSBAND AND BROTHER-IN-LAW? What about all the other people who miss her? What about the people that she was always ministering to? I know that sounds awful and selfish but I am being real here. So, please pray for me, for whatever you think will help. I would really appreciate it.

And the Pioneer Woman said to thank your readers so I want to say thank you to those of you who take the time to stop by to see what is going on in my lane.

So there you have it, me being real. Probably more real than you really wanted read. I hope you have a great rest of the week.

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